A company hires a noted author to speak at its annual banquet. The speaker cleverly encourages his audience toward ethical behavior and promises great success as a result. He is clearly a person of faith, though listeners cannot pinpoint which faith. The talk is well received as is his challenge to the audience. Holding up a crisp $100 bill, he awakens them: “If any of you can remember the names of 100 of your customers, I will give you $100!”
Everyone laughs. A guy in the back shouts, “Impossible!” More laughs. The audience is delighted.
One woman, however, quietly thinks she can do it. While the speaker finishes his talk, she lists over seventy of her customers. After the speech, she confidently walks up to the speaker, thrusts out her hand, and accepts his challenge. He gives her his card and says to let him know in one week how she does.
One week later, she’s done it! One hundred customers’ names memorized! She emails the speaker, and he responds with joyful congratulations.
Two weeks pass, no money. She emails again. Another month passes and nothing arrives. A manager contacts the speaker on her behalf; he receives an apology and a promise, but a month later, no money.
She’s disappointed and angry. She’s telling everyone about it. It appears that the good will generated by the speech is turning to cynicism and low morale.
Your task is to deal with the situation. What steps would you take and why? Use the comments to discuss your thoughts.
I found an interesting sidebar coming out of the current trouble between the New Orleans Saints and the NFL commissioner. The trouble involves a bounty program whereby Saints players targeted star players on opposing teams to injure them, or at least sideline them for a few plays. Getting paid to hurt the other guy is frowned upon by the NFL and has resulted in heavy fines against coaches and the Saints organization.
The sidebar involves the impending fines against Saints players and the moral lesson you and I may take from it. To determine punishment, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is consulting with the NFL Players Association. Such a consult makes sense–one rightly secures the opinions of stakeholders when making important decisions unless he or she wants rebellion down the line. The full article, “Cold Front,” is found in the April 9 issue of Sports Illustrated.
The author states that league officials formerly offered the NFLPA a look at their investigative findings before holding a press conference. Goodell went another direction. He consulted NFLPA executive director DeMaurice Smith after making his investigation public. Smith is upset. Should he be?
Goodell’s benefit, had he told Smith first, is to negotiate punishment against players behind closed doors, and then present a decision backed by all the governing parties. On the other hand, Goodell’s method clearly establishes who, at least in this case, wears the pants, tight as they may be.
An ethical dilemma concerns informing stakeholders as a use of power. Is one obligated to give partners inside information before informing the media, or is it more ethical to tell everyone at the same time? Does it cement or undermine one’s power to withhold information from stakeholders? Are there exceptions?
Perhaps you formed a quick response. How does it affect your thoughts knowing that Jesus told those closest to him what was going on before he told those not so close? What if, instead of a business partnership, this was a family matter–when does one “tell the children”? Or the parents?!
Welcome to Resurrection life. Happy Easter!
It has been my experience that people often fool themselves into thinking all is well when it surely is not. The farther south from age 45 one is, the more likely, though age is no predictor of wisdom in our dumbed down era.
Companies – research proves – have a worse and more terminal problem with self-aggrandizement. But, oh my, churches, missionary agencies, and para-church organizations are the worst. (I once heard a high level manager of a well-funded missionary enterprise tell a group of his subordinates that he did not want to hear any bad news.)
God loves faith and faith is a form of positive thinking. Faith, however, bases its claims on past experience and the testimony of trusted advisors such as the writers of the Bible and mentors known for making good decisions over time. Faith is a building that sits on a foundation of truth. God loves positive thinking, but He is not interested in head-in-the-sand ignorance of reality.
I recommend Mr. Metzger’s post.
Filed under: Career Success, Life Choices, Networking, Relationships, Wellness
I’m doing another 30 Day Challenge in January, but with a twist. This time, @ginisays is joining me to teach our sharpest team members how to do a challenge and challenging them to join us. Holler at @knmanagement to get on board!
At its core, the 30 Day Challenge is about happiness. I know you want more happiness, and I know that you don’t know how to get more (if you did, you’da already got it).
Perhaps, something that you have not much considered: your attitude affects your happiness. Yes, yes, yes it does!
We all know FISH! Philosophy. We work with many people with great attitudes, and a few with not-so-great attitudes. We’ve seen the former promoted and the latter invited to work for somebody else. We’ve seen attitudes overcome big problems, and bust up marriages. Attitudes determine more than income, education or which side of the tracks you’re from. Attitudes are big.
Your attitude about the 30 Day Challenge determines, imho, 90% of the happiness you find as a result. Pickle-faced about change? Ok, but don’t complain when your doctor frowns at your jelly rolls, anxiety robs your sleep-time, or the other guy gets the promotion; just blame your methane attitude.
You already know what needs to change. Blue Bell habit, toxic relationships, anger, disrespecting God, apathetic work habits, watching inane shows, trying to outdo others, we all do stuff that we know drains our happiness. Start thinking of yourself as the person you want to be, and get busy doing what he or she does. And, please stop complaining about making the list.
Making the list should be a pain in the … a pain. Stay with it. Use the life balance categories as guides. Write down your personal happiness gains and drains in each category, then cull the list down to a few manageable choices. The idea is not to have an item in every category, but to have a few better choices to start making.
A couple examples:
- A manager feels that it would increase his career success if he regularly feeds his team members encouraging messages. His list might say, “Set up a twitter account, invite tm’s to follow me, and post one positive tweet per day for 30 days.”
- Another team member think she will make better relationship decisions if she has God’s help–wonder where she got that idea (smile). Her new habit is to: “Read The One Year Bible every day.”
So far, I’ve spent about two hours on my list. I’ve thought through church (gain), the kind of people I need less of (drain), more vegetables (gain), less flour (drain), more dinner parties (gain), less saying yes to every community impact opportunity (drain), and some other stuff I’m keeping to myself.
I doubt all those items will be on my final list, but they might. I schedule time with myself every evening to write a fresh list from scratch. After about ten of those, I’ll look for patterns. I expect to find some really important gains to increase and drains to close, and I expect to be even happier in 2012.
If you’re interested in starting with Twitter, this will help.
If you’re unsure about the value of Twitter, read this.
If you want to watch an inspiring challenge video, go here.
Let me know if you need personalized help with your list.
100,000 blessings, Jack
Filed under: Career Success, Giving Back/Community Impact, Life Choices, Relationships, Spiritual Grounding, Wellness
Filed under: Relationships
I understand if that statement seems a bit, well, bold. Only unreasonable people and professional boxers really believe that they can always win, right?
Okay, sure it’s kind of a trick question. When I tell you that you can win all your argument, I advocate that 1) you never argue with an unreasonable person, and 2) you always argue toward the goal of relational stability. That is, you decide something important right now, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
If you’d rather be right, you are unreasonable and will not find much happiness in this world. Unreasonable people are not worth my energy. No matter how much I try, they just want to fuss. If I let them win, they find something else to argue about. Eventually they want my money or my soul.
Unreasonable people usually end up bitter and alone because no one can put up with their junk for long. I say we let ‘em alone. In fact, let’s help them on their way by putting up protective, emotional fencing around ourselves and keep the unreasonable people outside the fence. If that makes your alarm bells go off, we can discuss it later – there’s not room in this post.
Regarding the second issue (assuming that it is our goal to be happy), people who always win their arguments understand that the relationship is more important than jockeying to be right. They have the right perspective, which is to be happy.
Being happy does not mean that I roll over every time Janet and I disagree. It means that I choose very carefully what I’m willing to argue about, and I listen very carefully to her side of every issue.
When I listen, I often find that we’re saying the same thing from different angles, or (maybe more often) that she’s right. Same goes for my kids – now that they’re out of their teens, they’re right a lot of the time. In their teens, they had a poor perspective on reality and developing communication skills that prevented them from making any sense about half the time. Maybe they were right the other half; I probably should’ve listened more and reacted less. Either way, they make a ton of sense now and I like winning.
Here’s a simple, three step method to help you win when someone comes at you with an argument, borrowed from Jonathan Robinson’s Communication Miracles for Couples. I strongly recommend Dr. Robinson’s book.
- Listen
- Accept
- Like, not necessarily in that order.
By “listen,” I mean to be willing to hear their complaint, even while they’re unfairly blaming you for it. Most people, when unfairly blamed, feel that they’re being attacked. So they lash back, curse, stomp off, accuse, blame back, whatever. It may make them feel right, but it does not make them happy. Nor does it resolve the problem. Instead of adding to the drama, just listen.
When I say “accept,” I do not mean for you to bow to their opinion. I do not mean for you to be their doormat. I mean for you to accept them as a person with a particular opinion on a particular issue. To accept someone is like saying, “I’m not going to hurt you for feeling that way. I’m not judging you.” Isn’t that how you want to be treated when you have a complaint against someone?
Finally, when I tell you to like them, I mean it quite literally. Say something you like about them. Value them. Build them up. Tell them you’re glad they care about having a clean house, maintaining the car, having friends, being honest, or looking nice. Whatever it is, value them for doing the right thing. Then try to understand what it is they need (listening again), and work out what you can do to help.
If my wife is complaining because I didn’t empty the dishwasher, whether I said that I would or not, I do not need to make excuses. I need to listen to her point, accept her opinion, and appreciate that she likes things put away and in order.
If I was working or doing something more important, I can tell her once she’s done telling me whatever she thinks I need to know. On the other hand, if, as is often the case, I was doing a less than critical task instead of helping (think: lounging, watching the game [not the Texas game, that’s important], reading, not working), I need to own my slacker attitude. I need to empty the dang dishwasher because I want to be happy. In our house, helpfulness usually immediately precedes happiness. Relationship win!
Most of what I read and hear about getting the best people on one’s team involves pragmatic recruiting and promise-keeping. Good things, but what’s next when those don’t get you the team you need to have to win?
Praying is the key. Really.
“God can do anything,” people say. But their actions too often reflect that what they meant to say was, “God can do anything when I can do nothing.” So the prayers start only when someone is dying, divorcing, or headed to jail. In reality, God CAN do anything, and anyone claiming to follow Him should start with prayer.
By prayer, I do NOT mean something that’s either sappy or dry, or that lacks spontaneity. I do NOT mean rote repetition without heart that bores the Father into shutting his ears (that’s what Jesus called “vain repetitions”). I mean having a conversation with the Father in the manner Jesus instructed: a description like “respectful familiarity” comes to mind.
Some highlights may help. Last week, I prayed and God shifted some stuff around. As a result, my wife and I won the bid on a house we like. Over the last year, I prayed 92 requests for team members at K&N Management. Seventy-two were answered positively, four negatively, on three I lost track of the people and do not know the outcome, and I still pray for the rest. A year and a half ago, when I was interviewing, I asked God to put my name at the top of the list of 10 seemingly better qualified candidates. He did and I got the best job I’ve ever had. Once I learned the K&N cultural reference to “A players,” I prayed to be an A player, and my boss says I am. I think God did all that because He wanted to, and I prayed for it so that I could participate with Him.
If you’d like to have a team of A players, pray for them. Four steps:
1. Talk to God about your performance and attitude. Fix YOU first. A players don’t work for B or C players – not for long anyway. They don’t stick with angry, demeaning, belittling, incompetent, or lazy bosses. They find and follow leaders who will make them more successful. God will tell you where you stand if you’ll take time to listen. Let God mold you into a leader worth following.
2. Start praying for blessings and success for the A players already on the team. They’re your best recruiters. While you’re at it, pray the B players up and the C players out.
3. Ask God to send you more A players. He knows where they are and can guide them your way.
If you treat them right, train them well, encourage them consistently, offer them challenges and a path to success, they’ll make your success last.
Filed under: Relationships
Our company mission to guarantee that every guest is delighted because of me. We work tirelessly to fulfill our mission and it’s working. Wonder what would happen if we (I) treated family the same way. What would it look like if I adopted a personal goal of guaranteeing that everyone at my house is delighted because of me?
First, there’d be a lot of cleanup. As my wife and son hit the floor and the dog wagged her tail faster, there’d be a lot of broken stuff. After that, I’m guessing things would be even more excellent for … Me. And they’re pretty dang excellent now.
It seems that we can provide the people living at our address with delight, fright, fight, or flight. I don’t know what kind of home you grew up in, but I bet you wish it was delight.
Delight is the clear winner. It would be great to grow up in a home to which you loved to return. One filled with delightful memories. One where all the other kids want to play, eat, and hangout. This is the place where impressionable young people gratefully return to thank the old folks for shaping their character, and they say things like, “You made a difference for me.”
A frightful house is one where people walk on eggshells. People in authority are mad at who knows what for who cares why; they’re just mad. Displaced anger rains down cold. Meanness rules. People at this house are afraid to come home.
A fighting house stands next door to frightful. Its walls reflect cruel curses. It’s about as pleasant as having a cavity filled through your eardrum.
The house of flight is the result of the other two. Nobody much lives here–they cut out as fast as they could make other arrangements. Those left behind snuggle in a blanket of regret.
Your past may be locked inside one of those lousy environments, but you can’t do much about the past. If your home was lousy, you can’t change it. You can, however, refuse to let it define you. You can decide to make different memories for your family. You can guarantee that your family is delighted because of… You!
Filed under: Relationships
Men, it’s on us again. The worst of all conniving holidays. The one started by the makers of cheesy, overpriced greeting cards. The one reinforced by guilt-mongering, more-expensive-than-diamonds-dipped-in-oil flower shops. Valentine’s Day. Ugh.
Some preachers and all mothers have tried for years to tell us a sappy tale about a guy named Valentine who went against the Emperor’s marriage ban and died for his trouble. First, let’s debuunk this rediculous myth, then let’s get you through this year’s Valenlame Day with some measure of your dignity remaining.
Here’s the story link of which I belive not one bit. It cannot be true for several reasons:
- A guy named Valentine?
- Marriage means more kids, which means more subjects to tax; Emperors like taxable subjects, so there’s no way he killed the wedding planner.
- This was all supposed to happen to St. Val (a Christian) somewhere between 200-300AD, but Christians of that era were far too busy running from lions to spend any time trading romantic cards. Besides that, we all know that romance did not exist in any form until the Allies won WWII. We’ve seen the photos.
- Chaucer is credited with popularizing the Valentine’s Day fable in the 15th Century. Between the 4th and 15th Centuries, Christians were preoccupied by running from lions and the plague. They had zero time to stand around Wal-Mart looking for a tolerable Valentine’s Day card. This proves that romantic love did not exist until the late 1940s when the National Greeting Card Association invented it because the world was safe (and bored) for awhile.
- Walk into any CVS, Wal-Mart, Target, or car wash and you will see what? Valentine’s Day cards. Stacks of them, all overpriced and not one with an envelope that fits. None have anything to do with romance–the subject matter is “sex and more of it” which only proves that romantic love began after WWII when hungry GI’s returned home from the National Greeting Card Association Annual Convention in Munich.
Now that we have clearly proven the dubious roots of this misleading holiday, you must understand something, men. IT DOES NOT MATTER. You will perform for this holiday or you will regret it.
I am here to help. Now through Feb 14 – a day that shall live in infamy – Groupon, Living Social, and aDealio will offer spectacular date and gift ideas sure to please even the most finicky “other.”
I have experience at nearly every step on the income ladder, especially the lower rungs, so yes we will stay within your budget. Here you go. No charge.
Cheap date: candy bar, park bench, talk about nature. You share the candy bar. Nature will likely take care of itself.
Moderate date: movie followed by ice cream. The movie will need to star two or seven girls, all of whom will remained clothed, and it will make absolutely no sense to you. Over ice cream you will NOT discuss the movie or sports. You will ask for an explanation of what the heck THAT was about, and you will listen attentively. Listening is what your girl wants. I know, but try anyway. This is why you get ice cream – because the time it takes you to eat that last nib of cone is the total extent of your listening power. Any longer and you will, in fact, die. Eat slowly. Nature will take care of itself.
Pricey date: Shoe shopping (for her). Get her to try on hopelessly-painful-to-wear heels made by a man that might not be a man and whose name is unpronouncable in Texas. While she is trying on the shoes admire her legs. Nature will take care of itself.
If you cannot get excited about my magnificent, proven, and free ideas. Go here (also free): Date Night Ideas. Hope you make it through.
