Filed under: Networking
Every Thursday morning, the occupants of our corporate office meet to learn a particular focus point. Today we focused on remembering names. None of us is as good as we want to be, and I am nowhere near where I was pre-Katrina.
Before the storm/flood; before my apple cart was upset for the tenth time; before an entire American city cried (literally cried) – before all that, I could remember your name if I met you once. Afterward, the skill is gone. To quote Balloon Man, a purposefully homeless French Quarter resident whose name I remember, “Stress does weird s**t, man.”
Turns out that our brains really are not designed to remember names (so relax). As a name rememberer, I was weird. I guess that stupid hurricane normalized and averaged me out in some ways.
Several things can help us remember names. Exercise (surprise!) which we all know is the cure for everything from acne to global warming to rickets. Deep down, you know that if polar bears stopped jonesing Cokes, got off the dang couch, and chased down a few baby seals, they’d be off that pesky threatened species list.
The biggest factor to remembering, according to most writers, is caring, which is pure bull and why I do not believe most writers. While it’s true that one needs an incentive to remember someone’s name, it’s not true that we’re callous forgetters. I mean, it’s one thing if you have one of those sisters who recycles boyfriends like oil filters. When she introduces you to her new love, and it takes your concrete will not to say, “hey buddy, don’t unpack” – there’s just not much reason to remember that poor guy, is there?
On the other hand, if your socially serious, over-thinking, 28-year-old son introduces you to his first serious girlfriend, you might think that chick is worth some extra attention. You’ll remember her name, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t care about the lines of people whose names you forgot last month.
Personally, I think name recognition is relational. If I see you often, and I know your story, I will usually remember your name. If I know you a little or see you infrequently, I’ll remember you but not your name. Considering what I do for a living, it may be good if I don’t know your name – means you have fewer problems, right?
Not so fast. I often remember the names of people that are particularly sharp at solving their problems. Remembering names is certainly connected to exceptionality. We remember memorable people. Those with exceptional insight, or extraordinarily great attitudes – we remember the special people that impress us either positively or negatively. Everybody outside her little Catholic school forgot Stefani Germanotta, but it takes a head injury to forget Lady Gaga. Exceptionality connects.
On the other hand, distractions can disconnect faces from names. If I just got off a phone call involving something serious with a person whose name sounds like yours, I will be distracted, and I might call you by her name. Happened to me twice in one day. Embarrassing!
Jenny (I think that’s her name, she’s exceptional) found two articles that say caring helps. A guy named Witt lists four tips, but does not include having an odd name that helps people remember you, like “Witt.” I went ahead and debunked his list for your amusement.
- Commit. So you’re saying we forget because we don’t want to remember badly enough? How tiresome.
- Concentrate. If you’re like me, you can tell when someone you just met is concentrating to remember your name, but you mistake that body language for constipation and point them “down the hall, on the left.”
- Repeat. “Nice to meet you, Jack. What business are you in, Jack? Wow Jack! I bet plumbing is an exciting trade! Well Jack, it’s been great to meet you, Jack. Please excuse me, uh, down the hall, on the left., Jack. See ya, Jack.” Weird.
- Associate. Awkward if their name rhymes with body functions, parts, or diseases, and you’re apt to call them by the associated word instead of their name. “Hi, Been Jammin’ great to see you again. Uh, sorry.”
Here’s a great post for the inevitable name-memory-fail. Fake it!, which is a skill people at church learn early, and is dignified by the Happiness Chick.
Ah well, that’s enough. If you see me, please do me a huge favor: assume I do not know your name. Please do not be the graceless punk that expects me to have it together. A lady at a convention where I once spoke walked up and said, “We met in Atlanta eight years ago, and I bet you don’t remember my name, do you?” (She was right, I didn’t.) I wanted to say, “I would had you been more memorable,” but instead just told her, “I remember you, but not your name. Please remind me.” Honesty works too.
Oh dear Lord Jesus, help me. It just keeps getting better and better. What do y’all want to know about most, the AMAZING work accomplished today? Tres bricklaying ninja chicks? Shovlin’ Nolan? I’m-at-Warmuth? Or Crystal Meth, the girl that attracts t-r-o-u-b-l-e?
The latter, of course.
El Mercado Suprema!
Walking to church, Crystal attracted a couple of locals. I do not mean that in a good way. I mean they saw her, fell into an instant trance, and waited through dinner (served epic Guatemalan-Italian food con salsa y black beans – not lying) until she returned to the street. She had the affect of harsh drugs on those boys, instant addiction. Crystal Meth.
It was creepy, but her new bf did have this hat. Man, I wish we had a picture. My description is insufficient, but imagine slick black cowboy hat with sides pressed all the way up like 1950s Grand Ole Opry. When I say slick, I am not making a fashion comment – it was slick like vinyl. Cheap, waxed vinyl. We named him Gato Negro (it’s not backwards, it is “Cat of Blackness”), the dude was dark.
They (Gato and his friend De los Pequenos escorted us all the way to the hotel and Tom stood in the street in a menacing way. He went to virtual Warmuth mode. Way cool and chivalrous.
Crystal is “ready for Austin.”
Crystal Meth - she builds walls to keep the cats out
Let us tell you what we learned today:
- How to build a cinder-block wall.
- The best spaghetti in the world is in La Libertad…and it slams with salsa.
- The people are polite the first day, but stare on day 2. We ARE the minority here. Craig saw a girl run inside, yelling “Gringos!” and then came out with her little brother to watch us walk by.
- Cabs are free for the ladies…we think.
- Guatemalan kids have never seen a Kindle Fire, but they pick up on Fruit Ninja rather quickly.
- What does the rooster say when it crosses the road? Ask Craig and Tom.
- The kids here make pretty good photographers. At least this one little girl, Lisa.
- They use tools until they are completely disintegrated. Just because the handle is broken, doesn’t mean you need a new hammer.
- We learned tons of Spanish words. And, in return, some of the kids here learned tons of English words.
- Tom and Craig learned that you do not need to speak Spanish to the English translator. #Fact
- “Rooster” tastes great. Again, ask Craig and Tom…and Jay.
- The roosters have no curfew. They work from 10:00 p.m.-All Day.
- If you tell a kid you can ride his tiny bicycle, be prepared to demonstrate.
- Trina is a great project manager.
- Brian makes having hay on your bottom look awesome.
- OSHA and this city have never met. (no permit no problem)
- Fresh coconut and coconut water tastes AMAZING.
- In fact, there is no strange UFO music playing throughout the city as you meander about. It’s Trina’s phone.
Filed under: Career Success, Life Choices, Networking, Relationships, Wellness
I’m doing another 30 Day Challenge in January, but with a twist. This time, @ginisays is joining me to teach our sharpest team members how to do a challenge and challenging them to join us. Holler at @knmanagement to get on board!
At its core, the 30 Day Challenge is about happiness. I know you want more happiness, and I know that you don’t know how to get more (if you did, you’da already got it).
Perhaps, something that you have not much considered: your attitude affects your happiness. Yes, yes, yes it does!
We all know FISH! Philosophy. We work with many people with great attitudes, and a few with not-so-great attitudes. We’ve seen the former promoted and the latter invited to work for somebody else. We’ve seen attitudes overcome big problems, and bust up marriages. Attitudes determine more than income, education or which side of the tracks you’re from. Attitudes are big.
Your attitude about the 30 Day Challenge determines, imho, 90% of the happiness you find as a result. Pickle-faced about change? Ok, but don’t complain when your doctor frowns at your jelly rolls, anxiety robs your sleep-time, or the other guy gets the promotion; just blame your methane attitude.
You already know what needs to change. Blue Bell habit, toxic relationships, anger, disrespecting God, apathetic work habits, watching inane shows, trying to outdo others, we all do stuff that we know drains our happiness. Start thinking of yourself as the person you want to be, and get busy doing what he or she does. And, please stop complaining about making the list.
Making the list should be a pain in the … a pain. Stay with it. Use the life balance categories as guides. Write down your personal happiness gains and drains in each category, then cull the list down to a few manageable choices. The idea is not to have an item in every category, but to have a few better choices to start making.
A couple examples:
- A manager feels that it would increase his career success if he regularly feeds his team members encouraging messages. His list might say, “Set up a twitter account, invite tm’s to follow me, and post one positive tweet per day for 30 days.”
- Another team member think she will make better relationship decisions if she has God’s help–wonder where she got that idea (smile). Her new habit is to: “Read The One Year Bible every day.”
So far, I’ve spent about two hours on my list. I’ve thought through church (gain), the kind of people I need less of (drain), more vegetables (gain), less flour (drain), more dinner parties (gain), less saying yes to every community impact opportunity (drain), and some other stuff I’m keeping to myself.
I doubt all those items will be on my final list, but they might. I schedule time with myself every evening to write a fresh list from scratch. After about ten of those, I’ll look for patterns. I expect to find some really important gains to increase and drains to close, and I expect to be even happier in 2012.
If you’re interested in starting with Twitter, this will help.
If you’re unsure about the value of Twitter, read this.
If you want to watch an inspiring challenge video, go here.
Let me know if you need personalized help with your list.
100,000 blessings, Jack
Filed under: Giving Back/Community Impact, Networking, Spiritual Grounding, Wellness
Does it really pay to give back more than one receives? Really? Or is that just something your mom told you so you’d share with your sister (not that it worked)?
I mean, let’s think this through. If the world is governed by some vague universal law that only the fit survive, then a good taker would survive over a good giver, wouldn’t she? Maybe it works if you give to get? So the winners are the ones that give a little back scratch so that they can get a big back rub in return. No, that only works on Wall Street or Hollywood Blvd.
One of my favorite sayings belongs to John Adams: “Facts are stubborn things.” The facts say that it’s far more likely for you to get more of what you want out of life if you give to others. Despite the paradox, the most productive (and most promoted) winners give more than they receive and receive as a result of their giving attitudes.
Former Harvard University professor Shawn Achor discovered the link between happiness and giving back to others. For several years he taught the most popular course at Harvard and wrote an article and started a company to expand his happiness research.
He isn’t the first to make a living off of the happiness formula. Napoleon Hill (author of Think and Grow Rich) spent time learning from one of the most successful men of his day, Andrew Carnegie (yes, he is the Carnegie Hall in NYC guy, which is a very cool place to see a concert). Two of the most successful people of the last century thought that one got ahead by giving. This is not a popular notion today as evidenced by the covers of three dozen magazines at which I just glanced (I’m at Barnes & Noble).
Evidently, it is better to take and sue and strive and wrangle and fight and force oneself ahead. Sure divorces and legal hassles and all sorts of rough stuff will follow all that ahead-getting behavior; employees will hate you, children won’t come home for holidays, and little old ladies will refuse your arm to cross a street, but you’ll get ahead. Or, will you?
Maybe those magazines perpetrate a mythology that does not bear up under stubborn facts. Maybe some magazine editors need us to believe their stories offer paths to success even though they’re actually sensationalized blips and oddities. Believe it or not, dear reader, there was a day when persons with dysfunctional relationships were not celebrated as normal–a day before Us, People, Springer, and TMZ. Today, entertainment media need to pump up something that sells paper and commercial space in this digital age. They need to invent a sensational myth that You. Will. Obey.
If there’s a myth people will buy, you’ll find it on the cover of a magazine, right? Myths like, you can be skinny, happy, and filthy rich by living like Rihanna (‘scuse the bruises), Lindsey (‘scuse the cuffs), Gaga (‘scuse the egg), or Simon (‘scuse the snarky egoism). Can’t argue with success, right? Maybe the facts will help. Stubborn facts.
Smart people like facts, and I think that you are smart enough to see through the fog. I think that at a deeper level you know that life is more about helping others than it is about using others to get ahead. You know that when you lift others, you stand taller, but when you push someone down, you lower yourself in the process.
It turns out that giving back gets you more…at work. Research shows that the most giving people–the work altruists–were more engaged at work, more productive, promoted six times more often, and were generally happier all the way round (read more).
You want to be happier. That’s not a question, of course you want to be happier, who doesn’t? Here’s how: get into that upper tier of people that support others. Most of us are already there for our friends. To climb the happiness ladder, call your parents and support them with love and encouragement (that’s all it takes). To climb higher, instead of pushing buttons on your cell phone during a work break, invite new team members to join you and talk about their lives. Better, invite them to attend Community Impact and Get Fit! events with you.
By including new people, you support them, and help them become more productive, but here’s the amazing truth: you become happier. Even if they turn you down, the act of inviting and supporting others makes the inviter a happier person.
The facts today bear out what Jesus said 2,000 years ago. It is more blessed to give than to receive (Luke 6:38, Acts 20:35). Giving back makes you more engaged, more productive, more likely to be promoted, and happier.
What’s it look like if you try to turn your customers into partners for good? What happens when the people that buy your stuff go along on a “give back” trip? I asked a few leaders and was told: “nightmare,” “disaster,” “royal mess,” and the one I heard most often: “just don’t.”
Why all the negativity and cynicism? Experience and knowledge of human nature, I’d say. Most of us (all?) live under a load of self-interest.
Self-interest made the American experiment work–it’s not evil. The thought that I get to keep most of what I earn versus the previous idea that I give most of it over to the king is very pleasant, is it not? American Founders took a radical, revolutionary departure from the norms of their day and it worked. Yes, they were fueled by biblical ideals and morality (so were their Colonialist oppressors, by the way). The early Americans also saw the tendency toward greed that a self-interest-based economy and country would surely inspire, and they took preventive measures (system of checks and balances).
Today, we seem to have forgotten that people, at their core, are more interested in themselves than others. Most people are far more interested in themselves–even most of the Christians I know live far from the biblical injunction to “consider the needs of others as well as [their] own.” This is a realty that does not go away because it tastes bad or because teachers ignore it. We ignore it to our peril (and I think it’s feeding the current morass of celebrity adulation and church-hate that infects Western culture).
On the positive side, self-interest drives a good business up. If you want great BBQ delivered with exceptional service and value, you will buy more of it. If you leave Mighty Fine Burgers, Fries and Shakes not simply full, but delighted with the overall experience, you will return with your friends. It’s in your interest to trade with our establishments, and it’s in our interest to feed your interests (pun intended).
Self-interest trickles through the ranks. We pay more and expect more, so we get better employees. They like both ends–the money and the expectations. We emphasize coaching and teamship because the best “team members” like that too. The best managers encourage and develop their people because it’s in the manager’s interest to do so.
Businesses consistently prove the worth of the model we demonstrate. It usually breaks down at the point of doing good with no expectation of return (an idea encouraged by several religions but central to only one–more about this later). If we remove tangible rewards from a proposed action, few people go along. That’s why money for a cause is harder to extract than an ingrown tooth.
Most people trading their hard-earned cash for your hard-produced goods and services carry an attitude that expects more. The buyer’s desire is to get more for less, and the producer’s desire is to give less for more. If I ask you for $1,000 to send me to Africa, you’re thinking what you will get from the deal. Sure you are.
Major religions teach that anyone giving to help others receives their returns from God. It’s usually an intangible blessing that follows obedience to God’s command that we help others. But we can see nuances in the teachings that differ dramatically. Hindus give to the poor hoping not to join their ranks in the next life (and they give food offerings to various gods to assuage anger or get help). Buddhists give to the poor and expect pretty much the same results as Hindus, and neither expresses certainty of a return. Muslims give and hope for God’s favor, but again, no guarantee. Jews give to gain God’s favor, but they do expect a return (if they give enough). Christians give in response to God’s favor (meaning that God gave first, and they give back). Atheists and humanists, if they’re consistent, give nothing. Why would they if they’re clamoring to be the fittest? My descriptions may not follow from what you were taught, or what your emotions want to believe, but they do follow from the written teachings of major religions and irreligions. Deal with it.
When a company gives a portion of its earnings back to its community, be sure that it’s doing so within one of the above views of how things work. Its directors either (A) expect God to return their investment; (B) hope to inject good feelings into current and potential customers who will then return the investment, or (C) express gratitude for blessings already received. Companies A and B hope to buy good will; Company C responds to the goodwill it has received.
Most of the business and church people I’ve worked with tell me that they give back to their communities by giving money and encouraging employees/members to volunteer. I can’t think of anyone that purposefully invited their customers/non-members to participate. Quite the opposite in fact, and for obvious reasons given the above realities.
Except those counterintuitive thinkers at Aspen Heights–they turn conventional wisdom on its ear. And I thank God for it!
If you’ve my stuff for the last several weeks, you know that I went to Kenya with two of Aspen Heights’ officers, a few of their employees, and several of their tenants (Aspen Heights operates student housing at several major universities). I was curious how the customers would react to the bitter taste of kissing the 3rd world. Would they expect the purveyor of goods (in this case their landlord) to give more while they gave less? To fix the potty? The transportation? The culture shock? Would it be worse given that the customers on our trip were rather more privileged members of the trophy generation?
Not at all. The customers represented themselves honorably. I’m proud to be in the picture with them (above). The trip was an overwhelming success. As a result, I’ve tossed all my previous research in the trash. Business leaders who told me not to involve customers in community service projects were simply wrong.
Thanks, Greg, Jason, Jacob, Whitney, Melissa, and Kara. I hope we follow your lead with equally spectacular results. Thanks also Johnae, Stuart, Hailey, Jennie, (and Katie who is her own categories!)–may your tribe increase!
Filed under: Networking
Seeing children laugh usually makes adults laugh. I just returned from Kenya and was impressed with how easily and frequently the children smiled and laughed. I guess they don’t know they’re poor. Don’t know that their momma’s HIV positive and will die in a couple years like Daddy died last year; or maybe they do.
They still laugh like kids are supposed to, and play like kids are supposed to. They hold your hand and run their fingers up and down hairy arms (Kenyan daddy’s arms are smooth). They pet your hair like it’s fine silk–especially if it’s blond or (in my case) gray. They’re endearing to say the least.
No wonder Jesus liked children. They know too little to be mean, too little to wage war, too little to actively spread HIV.
I met some kids that go to school from 7 to 7, five days a week and they’d go everyday if the school was open. It costs about $75US/month to keep a kid in a good school. It seems to me that with a slight nudge, the happy kids in Kenya can become happy and productive adults.
Filed under: Networking
Last night I was watching TV and treating myself to the last 1/2 cup of Moo-lenium Crunch ice cream. If you have not tried this Blue Bell product, don’t. It contains crack. I allow myself just a taste every so often and last night was it. Even better, because it was the last serving, I ate it in the preferred manner for all ice-cream-eating men, which is the direct method, which is right out of the carton. Spoon-carton. Very efficient.
When done, I set the carton down in the preferred spot–the floor–and I continued to watch my program. A few minutes later, Annie (our 60 lb bird dog) found the carton. She liked that.
As I watched her, it occurred to me how wonderful it must be to be a dog who happens on a bucket of ice cream skimmings. What joy. It’s like a kiss from heaven. You don’t know how it got there. You don’t know what benevolent hand left you a treat. Your life is beef byproducts and water, and you’re grateful to get it. Then one day, magic. A carton of bliss. “Must be for me,” you think. “Ain’t nobody else here.”
And so it was that Annie found the ice cream carton. She was very grateful.
I wonder if that’s what happens to us sometimes. God just drops something in our path. Something nice. A job. A place to live. A cute girl that ends up being a cute wife. A piece of cake just shows up. I don’t how it got there. It’s just there. It’s like a little kiss blown my way straight out of heaven.
I heard somebody once say that the only hand that helps you up is your own. That’s a wet bag of poo. God’s hand is everywhere. Problem is, many of us are so busy trying to help ourselves that we don’t see His hand. We miss the ice cream. We miss the Father’s kiss.
Filed under: Networking
My friend Gini sent me a link to the story of witty Brit Ricky Gervais’s atheism remarks. He’s a celebrity, and in our celebrity-obsessed culture, he has a platform to talk on subjects for which he is unqualified to lecture such as logic, philosophy, or the existence of God. The unfortunate result is that many of his dolty listeners will accept his blather as truth.
Have you considered the profound promise contained in the first Psalm?
Blessed is the one who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.
The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away.
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; for the LORD knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.
We see a divine to-do list for a better future.
1. Determine that you will accept advice from God, and reject the tempting advances of rebels.
2. Read the Bible every day, and think over what you read. This simple, five minute practice help one know who qualifies as his or her advisor.
Want better friends? Want to make better decisions? Start following better advice today.
Filed under: Networking
Recent revelations about the billion dollar Facebook empire should cause concern. Most apps unnecessarily access your personal information then sell it. In another security breach, Facebook is accused of outing gay and lesbian members without their consent (I guess that one cannot consensually be “outed” can he?).
The revelations may cause shock; they should not, however, cause surprise. Facebook friends may be your “friends” but Facebook is not your friend real or imaginary. Facebook’s friends are its customers, not you. Don’t believe me? How much do you pay Facebook to make your life special? Zero. Exactly nothing. So how is a company worth billion dollars if it charges nothing? Advertisers. Advertisers pay Facebook to show you stuff they think you might buy. Advertisers are Facebook’s customers, and are, therefore, the ones who get the real love. You are its pawns.
Facebook’s reasons for not securing your information are irrelevant. Do you want anyone sending your personal affinities to carnivorous advertisers so that they can target you with ads?
How do you stop it? You could get off Facebook. Many people I know have done just that—said goodbye to social networking because the security risk is just too high for them.
An alternative is to take the time to adjust your Facebook security settings. Is there really a need for your status posts to be visible to the world? Are you an egomaniac? Are you Lady Gaga? No, nobody but your friends needs to see you photos, your status, your location, or any of your information.
For that matter, do you really have 813 friends? Of course not. Are you just trying to feel better about an otherwise pathetic life? (I’m kidding, I hope.) Seriously, cull the list. “Friending” everybody may have opened yourself to a predator or a fake person that is really an advertising scam.
Finally, don’t post every move you make; stay slightly mysterious. I have a good idea that no one but your mom cares about all that stuff anyway. If you are Emeril or Gordon Ramsey sharing your meal, that makes sense. Telling us every time you go to the fridge for ice cream is annoying. It also feeds advertisers. Look at the ads down the side of your page. If you see a lot of weight loss clinics or hospital ads, you’re posting too many dessert trips. If the ads are for Glenn Beck, advertisers are snooping your rants. Best advice, until Facebook decides to protect its users, hide.
