Filed under: Networking
Every Thursday morning, the occupants of our corporate office meet to learn a particular focus point. Today we focused on remembering names. None of us is as good as we want to be, and I am nowhere near where I was pre-Katrina.
Before the storm/flood; before my apple cart was upset for the tenth time; before an entire American city cried (literally cried) – before all that, I could remember your name if I met you once. Afterward, the skill is gone. To quote Balloon Man, a purposefully homeless French Quarter resident whose name I remember, “Stress does weird s**t, man.”
Turns out that our brains really are not designed to remember names (so relax). As a name rememberer, I was weird. I guess that stupid hurricane normalized and averaged me out in some ways.
Several things can help us remember names. Exercise (surprise!) which we all know is the cure for everything from acne to global warming to rickets. Deep down, you know that if polar bears stopped jonesing Cokes, got off the dang couch, and chased down a few baby seals, they’d be off that pesky threatened species list.
The biggest factor to remembering, according to most writers, is caring, which is pure bull and why I do not believe most writers. While it’s true that one needs an incentive to remember someone’s name, it’s not true that we’re callous forgetters. I mean, it’s one thing if you have one of those sisters who recycles boyfriends like oil filters. When she introduces you to her new love, and it takes your concrete will not to say, “hey buddy, don’t unpack” – there’s just not much reason to remember that poor guy, is there?
On the other hand, if your socially serious, over-thinking, 28-year-old son introduces you to his first serious girlfriend, you might think that chick is worth some extra attention. You’ll remember her name, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t care about the lines of people whose names you forgot last month.
Personally, I think name recognition is relational. If I see you often, and I know your story, I will usually remember your name. If I know you a little or see you infrequently, I’ll remember you but not your name. Considering what I do for a living, it may be good if I don’t know your name – means you have fewer problems, right?
Not so fast. I often remember the names of people that are particularly sharp at solving their problems. Remembering names is certainly connected to exceptionality. We remember memorable people. Those with exceptional insight, or extraordinarily great attitudes – we remember the special people that impress us either positively or negatively. Everybody outside her little Catholic school forgot Stefani Germanotta, but it takes a head injury to forget Lady Gaga. Exceptionality connects.
On the other hand, distractions can disconnect faces from names. If I just got off a phone call involving something serious with a person whose name sounds like yours, I will be distracted, and I might call you by her name. Happened to me twice in one day. Embarrassing!
Jenny (I think that’s her name, she’s exceptional) found two articles that say caring helps. A guy named Witt lists four tips, but does not include having an odd name that helps people remember you, like “Witt.” I went ahead and debunked his list for your amusement.
- Commit. So you’re saying we forget because we don’t want to remember badly enough? How tiresome.
- Concentrate. If you’re like me, you can tell when someone you just met is concentrating to remember your name, but you mistake that body language for constipation and point them “down the hall, on the left.”
- Repeat. “Nice to meet you, Jack. What business are you in, Jack? Wow Jack! I bet plumbing is an exciting trade! Well Jack, it’s been great to meet you, Jack. Please excuse me, uh, down the hall, on the left., Jack. See ya, Jack.” Weird.
- Associate. Awkward if their name rhymes with body functions, parts, or diseases, and you’re apt to call them by the associated word instead of their name. “Hi, Been Jammin’ great to see you again. Uh, sorry.”
Here’s a great post for the inevitable name-memory-fail. Fake it!, which is a skill people at church learn early, and is dignified by the Happiness Chick.
Ah well, that’s enough. If you see me, please do me a huge favor: assume I do not know your name. Please do not be the graceless punk that expects me to have it together. A lady at a convention where I once spoke walked up and said, “We met in Atlanta eight years ago, and I bet you don’t remember my name, do you?” (She was right, I didn’t.) I wanted to say, “I would had you been more memorable,” but instead just told her, “I remember you, but not your name. Please remind me.” Honesty works too.
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