Filed under: Time Management
Steve Chandler’s book Time Warrior, informs my time management pondering. His writing is fast and pointed – warrior-like perhaps, and I find it creative. It takes some imagination to make time management exciting. Steve’s contribution hinges on his realization that the way we manage our lives is more a function of one’s character than skillful to do list writing.
For instance, he tells us that “[Time] warriors…[let] go of people-pleasing, approval-seeking and every shade of mood-based…thinking.” That kind of provocation gets my attention.
It is my contention that the author describes neediness versus resourcefulness. Rather than figuring things out, toughening up, clarifying values, making the tough call, and doing what’s right, needy people try to make everyone happy. They add tasks for which they have no time or skill to try to make friends. They get into trouble and do everything poorly. They cry for attention, complain, and reject correction. As a result of their need to please, others manipulate them, overload them, and subvert their goals (not to mention their personhood). I’m not talking about accepting new responsibilities or pushing oneself, those are credible attributes. I’m telling about accepting things better left to others because the orienting goal is not to take right action but to be liked. In trying to be liked, the needy submit to time and become its slave. Warriors do not worry about being liked, they consider what the the right action to take; warriors defeat time to their advantage.
The remedy for neediness is resourcefulness. When resourceful people see a problem, they work through it. They take action to defeat the problem. If stopped by real obstacles, they get help, but not before exerting serious effort to defeat the problem. needy people cry wolf; resourceful people cry charge!
I once had an assistant that told me she could not find a phone number I requested. It took me 15 minutes to find the number in more than one place. The problem was not that she needed help finding it; the problem was that she did not make a resourceful attempt. Prior to hiring her, we checked references, which were outstanding, but once on the job, we learned that she was a people-pleaser rather than a resourceful achiever. She did not try to get things done, she did, however, have nice nails. She did not start the day battling through a well-ordered task list, but she did winked at boys and complain (to me) about her unstable life. I was not interested in paying someone to wink or complain.
Her failure to give effort demonstrated a greater problem. Her goal was to be liked; to superficially please people rather than get right things done. The evidence was clear: an unfocused, scattered approach to tasks, accepting every request without considering its connection to her this-is-what-I-am-paid-to-do-list, and letting the day’s mail or a phone call determine her next task rather than prioritizing tasks. She did not demonstrate a willingness to crush tasks aligned with her job description, so I offered her the chance to find new employment where she could learn the skill.
If you’re needy, you can turn that around. Stop trying to please everyone – do the right thing instead.
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